We are on vacation in Flordia enjoying the mild sunny days while we can, before heading home to a much colder place. Scott our 14 year old daughter, 11 year old son and myself ahve been to this exact same beach front townhouse on 3 seperate vacations before. Each time we look forward to so many things. We tend to repeat the same activities we have enjoyed so much from years past. Such as miniature golf, a large maze and beach activities. But this time something is very different. Our children are independant. We have raised them to be this way, so I should be ecstatic. But maybe I'm just not ready for it yet. Not I I always enjoyed all the toting of things, making the meals and keeping a schedule we used to have. They make their own meals, do all clothes, dishes etc all themselves. Even on the beach they are very much self starters and doers.
I am so blessed. Not because I don't have to do as much as when they were little, but because even though they are very independant, they still choose us. They choose to sit next ot us on the beach, paddle in the surf with Scott, sit in the same room as us during down time and even pull out puzzles they want to do with us. They actually like us. Go figure! After so many years of scultping their behavior and chiding them to behave appropriately, after many mornings deciding AGAIN that I will do my best and many more nights wondering if I actually did... maybe something has worked out. I have good kids.
Back to how vacations change. We used to haul so much with us wherever we went. I felt like a pack mule for years. Going to the beach was such an ordeal in the past between, snacks, sunscreen, bags to carry things, towels to lay on, sunglasses, floats, sandals, toys etc etc ETC. I recall getting ther and then someone had to go back for some reson...ugh. Or we'd get there and stay for about an hour, boredom would set in and its back to the house...pack mule again. We have finally passed that stage. Now I grab what I need, the kids grab what they need and off we go. You know what? They need a whole lot less when they have to carry it themselves. And they stay longer out there too. I actuially enjoy the beach along with everyone else. For the first time... I took a book with me to the beach becasue I thought I... yes, I might get bored.
Food.. that changes too. Teens may eat what you make them for breakfast and lunch, but often they don't eat it all. It used to be that I had to be the first up, making breakfast for everyone and them making sure they ate so they won't be hungry later... when we are at the beach. Now they get up, eat something..mostly healthy and clean up their mess. Okay, the mess ends up in the sink. But still...guess what.. I have slept in! Woken up several mornings on this trip after being completely rested. Do you how that feels? To wake up because your body can't possibly lay there any longer? Okay...yes, LAZY, but WOW it feels good. What a brezee right?
Bedtime... okay this one is tricky since we are on vacation we haven't held closely to any bedtime...none of us have. But I remember that on vacations before we had to get up at a certain time, take naps and organize meals all around bedtimes. Now they get up and go to bed within reasonable times and don't cry and whine when it starts getting late...they go to bed. Things are getting easier huh? I have headed to bed earlier than them without worrying about when they will call it a night. Believe me, they call it a night after a long day at the beach. They are smart ya know.
But with this simpilier, easier life, am I still needed? If I don't HAVE to make the food, carry things, think ahead for them, do clothes, bedtime etc.... what am I supposed to do? Afterall for the last 10 years at least, that has been one of my primary functions as a Mom (besides homeschooling).
The answer is yes, YES I am still needed. And proof of it is the fact that THEY both choose to be with me. What they desire from me now is not those basic needs from the previous paragraphs, but conversations. They want to talk.... try carrying that load for awhile.
These conversations run the gammit. It takes patience and real honesty to carry these conversations to the end. They want to learn from us, pick our brains and share their thoughts. They want to be heard, understood and taught to lead. These conversations can be much heavier than those old bags I use to carry around. In those bags I would try to have all the items that I could anticipate needing for our trip. But these conversations flow in directions I could never anticipate. And through them they feed their minds and hearts, they carry them through rough times, they whisper them to sleep during restless teenage nights. So we talk. About everything and everywhere. During games, school, church, car rides, movies, dinner, surfing in the ocean and playing putt putt.
They are asking alot of questions that all lead to knowing how to be equipped for what lies ahead. Are they good enough and smart enough. They want to know what we think of them...can they make it? This isn't like packing a baby bag. There is no knowing what lies ahead for our children. The equipping can only come from God, not me. But I can show them where to find the answers when I can't. WOW!
Now I wake up wondering if I have enough answers, am I good enough and smart enough and go to bed knowing God is telling me...yes I can! I suppose some things don't change. (I'll save that for a later blog)
It took this extended vacation away from the hustle and bustle of the holidays and home life to see that on this vacation things have changed. My purpose is renewed. I pray my conversations will honor God and guide my children into the often times scary and awkward world of teenagers and adulthood that awaits them very soon. Praise God!
